When The Answer Is No: A Realistic Reflection Of This Year’s Pupillage Journey

From the start, authenticity has always been the underpinning goal of this blog by removing the glitz and glamour from the profession. This month’s blog stays true to that aim as I reflect on my pupillage experience and share the honest advice I needed, told through five key lessons.

My Experience So Far

This year, I haven’t been offered pupillage; the third time.

That outcome has forced me to sit with a heavy weight that is hard to explain to anyone outside of this process, alongside the quiet and persistent awareness that I will soon step back into the arena all over again.

I have learnt so much from my applications this year and have shared them below.

Learn to Be the Imperfect Perfectionist (Lesson One)

I made a conscious effort to become the ‘imperfect perfectionist’ - someone who strives for the highest of standards but accepts that perfection is unattainable.

I am guilty of rewriting the same sentence ten times, agonising over whether the word ‘demonstrates’ sounds stronger than ‘shows’ all at 2am with a coffee in hand. When you take a step back and consider my example, it doesn’t really make that much of a difference does it?

Over-editing not only strips your natural voice from your written work, but it also ate into my drafting time (time this year, we just simply didn’t have).

Do Your Research, and Then Some More (Lesson Two)

I went to an open day at a Chambers which sold itself as an expert in Alternative Dispute Resolution. It then became apparent that the basis in which they claimed to be an expert was that one member ‘occasionally dabbled’ in it. A little far-fetched perhaps?

My advice is to do your homework. No matter what it is in life, always check that they can walk-the-walk and not just talk-the-talk.

If there is one thing I can say with certainty, it is that I am never too shy to ask a question. Be inquisitorial, challenge when appropriate, only then will you get a true picture of something or someone.

Does Pupillage Really Need to Be ‘By Any Means Necessary’? (Lesson Three)

The very first piece of advice I was given on a mini-pupillage was to get pupillage ‘by any means necessary’.

Move across the country, switch practice areas or join a set you do not feel drawn to. It doesn’t matter, because once you get your foot in the door and secure tenancy, you have earnt your golden ticket into the club.

After all the blood, sweat and tears we pour into our degrees, you owe it to yourself to be in an environment that values you and deserves you. But why do so many of us try to contort ourselves into something we are not?

My answer: I fear failure and the chances of success are so slim.

I am going to be far more selective next year. That doesn’t mean I won’t make a healthy number of applications. It means I will be more deliberate about where I apply and why.

When sifting through the adverts in November, my advice is to:

• Look at the general website

• Look over the pupillage prospectus

• Dig deep into their news archives

• Understand the common denominators in its members

• Look at social media

Silence is Not Necessarily the Enemy (Lesson Four)

Silence is not evidence.

Silence is not a signal.

Silence is not a verdict.

Silence, is just that… silence.

This year, many Chambers took far longer to respond than in previous cycles. I also signed up to sites like The Student Room and Pupillage Pulse, a decision I seriously regret. I personally found that it only enhanced a toxic cycle checking, refreshing, comparing and

spiralling.

That cycle became unbearable. Its toxicity also seeped into my relationships where I would sit in restaurants glued to my phone and every conversation somehow circled back to applications. It was exhausting for me and everyone around me.

Until this year, I had only been rejected by silence once. It happened through a LinkedIn post congratulating successful candidates on their interview offers … I had received nothing.

This year, it happened again. Only this time I had found out through others that first-round interviews had gone out and were scheduled for a Saturday. I later found out that second-round interviews had been arranged. Throughout all that time, my gateway status remained ‘in progress’. More than two weeks passed before my status changed to unsuccessful.

Being rejected by silence feels undignified. After spending hours drafting answers and giving the process everything you have, silence feels like a dismissal of the effort you put in.

What I will take forward into next year is: -

• Label it

  When your brain starts trying to create meaning out of silence, remain

  yourself that you are trying to create meaning where there is none. Labelling it interrupts the spiral.

  
  

• Contain it

  I won’t tell you to stop checking, that would be hypocritical. My advice would be to create boundaries. For me going forwards, I will only check at set times than constantly refreshing.

Finding Your Life Outside of Law (Lesson Five)

One of the biggest challenges I have faced is learning how to build a life that isn’t entirely consumed by the profession. In a world where the odds are stacked against you, it is naïve to assume that you will secure pupillage immediately after qualifying.

Many imagine the path to pupillage is linear, but it isn’t. I recently went to an event where one of the speakers said something that stayed with me: ‘the best practitioners always have the messiest career paths’. As painful as it is, having a backup plan is not a sign of doubt, it is a sign of realism and resilience.

It took the passing of a close family member for me to realise just how narrow my world had become. I was the student who sacrificed everything (other opportunities, friends and missed family gatherings) because at that time, nothing mattered unless it was legal related. It automatically fell to the bottom of my priorities.

The truth is harsh: you often don’t realise what you have until it is gone.

Maintaining a sense of purpose outside of the law reminds you that your value is not defined solely by your CV. Now, I am far better at managing the boundaries. I keep a strict

separation between my home life and my work life. I have also found interests outside of the law. That doesn’t make me any less committed, it makes me more resilient, more focused and more human.

If you have been finding the pupillage process difficult, remember you are not alone and you do not need to suffer in silence. My inbox is always open - ThatBrunetteBarrister@gmail.com